


Dark Night of the Soul, The

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: 3rd Age - The Stewards, Canon - Enhances original, Characters - Family Dynamics, Characters - New interpretation, Characters - Strongly in character, Characters - Well-handled emotions, General, Plot - Bittersweet, Plot - Can't stop reading, Plot - Dangerous topic w/satisfying end, Plot - I reread often, Plot - Tear-jerker, Writing - Clear prose, Writing - Engaging style, Writing - Every word counts, Writing - Evocative, Writing - Experimental, Writing - Mythic/Poetic, Writing - Well-handled PoV(s), Writing - Well-handled introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2004-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 08:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4215347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Denethor has to come to terms with Finduilas' death. - A strange experimental mixture of poetry and vignette.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

**25th of Súlimë, 2988 TA**

Thou art so pale ~~today~~ tonight  
and I would write thee songs of life  
if only I could find the words,  
but life avoids me when thou art so pale  
and comfort ~~avoids me~~ shies away from me  
with thy fading smile.

~~But~~ Yet let me rest beside thee  
and ~~offer thee~~ give to thee all my imperfect warmth  
to take the hostile chill from thy ~~pale~~ sweet lips,  
and if I find the words,  
I promise, I will write thee songs of life.

Thou art so pale tonight,  
so very pale


	2. Catharsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denethor has to come to terms with Finduilas' death. - A strange experimental mixture of poetry and vignette.

**~~25th of Súlimë  
26th of Súlimë~~, 2988 TA** (I know not which and I care not)

 

~~She is gone~~. Nay, not gone. Not gone. I could not live if she were gone and yet I live. So ‘tis not gone,  not ever gone.

But what light remains when the day is no more?

Finduilas Finduilas Finduilas  
All things whisper tears of night  
and write your name in pain  
into the emptiness of a dawn  
that lost its queen.

Come to me, star-crowned,  
come to me, wake me  
and let me dream  
no more.

The shadows whisper your name, dearest,  
And my treacherous heart  
beats the rhythm of your footsteps  
in the silence of oblivion.

~~Let me forget~~  
O for the world I would not forget,  
but I dread to remember  
her that I lost.

 

\---

 

Why did you come to me, Finduilas,  
to teach me bliss  
when you knew that you were doomed to fail?

Why did you ask, Finduilas,  
to share my shadows  
when you were born to walk in light?

Why did you follow me, Finduilas,  
when you were queen  
of foam-crowned wind and endless sea?

Why did you love me, Finduilas,  
 ~~if love me you did~~  
if love me you could  
when you

Think not I doubt thy heart, dearest,  
Think not I doubt thy soul.

~~I curse the day you looked at me  
And smiled.~~

~~I bless the day~~  
I curse **NO!**   
~~and yet~~

Finduilas, Finduilas,  
coward that I am,  
I am left to retrace your steps  
and try to remember  
how to live

~~There is a strange comfort in the dark of the abyss  
and the fading souls sing a siren’s song of salvation~~

 

\---

 

Who am I to believe that I could keep a star  
locked in mine own dark heart,  
or catch the dancing sea-foam’s gleam from oceans far?  
Who am I to believe that I could keep a star?  
The storm’s tempestuous soul will tolerate no bar,  
but fly or break apart.  
Who am I to believe that I could keep a star  
locked in mine own dark heart?

The words will not obey. Nothing of you in this. Just emptiness.

Imperfect as I have ever been, Finduilas. Too imperfect to keep that which ~~was~~ is perfection. Have you gone to the sea, beloved? To the singing shores that call you home?

 

\---

 

Súlimë,  
when the winds wept  
and the stars mourned  
the sunlight lost.

~~Súlimë,~~  
when the tide came  
and the darkened waves  
swept you away. 

Súlimë,  
when the dawn failed  
and the silent spring  
lost its heartbeat

 

\---

 

~~My future is a mirror of decay,~~  
of shards like silver knives  
that paint the skies another shade of grey.  
My future is a mirror of decay,  
of thistles grown and thorns to line the way  
and tangle in our lives.  
My future is a mirror of decay,  
of shards like silver knives. 

Must I always be selfish and ungrateful? Even now?

 

For Finduilas

I remember the waves on the darkening shore  
and the wind like a crown in your hair,  
and I knew as I fought I was losing the war.  
I remember the waves on the darkening shore,  
 ~~I remember the keys to a lost kingdom's door~~  
I remember the keys to the secrets of yore  
were the stars in your eyes, pale and fair.  
I remember the waves on the darkening shore  
and the wind like a crown in your hair.

Words cannot begin to describe the pain, for they are veiled like a mist-shrouded morning.


	3. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denethor has to come to terms with Finduilas' death. - A strange experimental mixture of poetry and vignette.

**26th of Súlimë, 2989 TA**

In Memory

Speak not of tears that time will help decrease  
and not of pain that passing years will soothe,  
for I desire not oblivion’s peace,  
the bitter taste of loss I would not lose.

Thine eyes are mirrored in the weeping streams,  
thy voice calls in the wind on Anduin’s shore,  
thy face will smile unfading in my dreams,  
thy laughter crown the waves forevermore.

But haunt me if you will in dreams of pain  
and cover me in scars that will not fade.  
Not gentle be, but break my heart again  
if I should break the promise I have made.

The silence and its soft unspoken vow  
remembers thee and will not falter now.


	4. Author's Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denethor has to come to terms with Finduilas' death. - A strange experimental mixture of poetry and vignette.

This piece owes its existence to Dwimordene's wonderful [That Which Remains Us](http://www.henneth-annun.net/members/stories/chapter.cfm?STID=90) which I read ages ago and which impressed me to no end.

The title, _The Dark Night of the Soul_ , is borrowed from a wonderful song by Loreena McKennitt from her album _The Mask and Mirror_.

\---

_concerning dates_ :

As far as I know there’s no canon date (month and day) for Finduilas’ death (if I’m wrong PLEASE tell me) so I had to make one up. I decided on Súlimë a long time ago when I needed the month for a poem so in my fanfic-verse Finduilas dies at the end of Súlimë 2988 TA (in the night of the 25th/26th of Súlimë, to be precise, which is central to this piece).

\---

_ca·thar·sis_ :

Medicine. - Purgation, especially for the digestive system.

\- A purifying or figurative cleansing of the emotions, especially pity and fear, described by Aristotle as an effect of tragic drama on its audience.

\- A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.

Psychology. - A technique used to relieve tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness.  
\- The therapeutic result of this process; abreaction.

\---

_Concerning poetic forms_ :

Most of this is written in free verse, but for three of the poems ( _Who am I to believe that I could keep a star_ , _My future is a mirror of decay_ and _For Finduilas_ ) I have used the triolet form.

The final sonnet _In Memory_ owes a lot to John Donne's wonderful sonnets and is written in the form of a traditional Shakespearean sonnet with three quartrains and a final couplet.


End file.
